i look at my problems and think how am i supposed to beat all of them. how? how..

I'm a disappointment

Really couldn't achieve anything I set out to do

Doesn't help I have no guidance and no one else

said this in another thread but getting prescribed lorazepam months ago was both the best and worst thing to happen to me

I'm terrible at being a human

health sciences exam tmrw. if u want to know how i think i went quote me and ill chec u after the exam

why the worst

cause I went down the benzo rabbit hole and got into klonopin and x**** as well. I only took them on days where I felt too depressed and wanted to skip them

insecure summers

hoping we all get out of this thread one day. and for good. it's gotta work, somehow.

sleep at 2am wake up at 7am

should be used to being alone by now but i'm not

spent my entire life like this yet it still effects me

@Cats I listened to alcest's moon scales. Part I was really nice but the moment the vocals on part II came in, the screaming s*** killed my vibe ngl.

thats my fav part lol. Yeah screaming vocals take a while to get used to, but I like them. It's understandable why someone wouldn't like them though, so I dont blame you

there's no screaming on souvenirs if you wanna try that

word?

aight I'll give it a try, thanks fam

Don't even know anymore to be honest

I've been through sooooo f***ing much in my life man f*** it makes me wanna throw up im trying really hard to get better and see the good in life but it's almost impossible

I should be dead. Most of the times I wish I was

Every time I’m able to catch and follow my breathing to a place of temporary calm, it saddens me to no end when I rerealize how much I actually breathe like I’m in danger of dying. Like, it’s okay dude. I’m okay. But it’s not that easy. It’s never been, so why would it be now? I’m safe though.

I look at previous, some very recent, points in my life where I was living monk mode and I’m like how? Who is this man? What energy was I on? I guess it feels good to have that be a part of my identity even though it feels so out of reach when I’m on this side of the emotional/mental spectrum of my silly brain

How did I not even notice until this morning that I might be depressed? The realization of loneliness and existential dread started happening weeks ago. Haven’t been able to finish food/low appetite. Hating who I am, and feelings of not wanting to exist/suicide ideation. Took me breaking down and crying a few hours ago to have it click.