ain’t nothing wrong with giving the same energy back

there is such thing as taking it too far tho

another thing you can do is if she ever gets like that again go stand in front of a mirror

when a person is acting up and they see themselves behaving that way usually they’ll realize how bad it is and they’ll chill out

well, you can either wait for a better moment to talk about it or just focus on building your path out of your family home as soon as possible
in my case I had bad relationship with my dad, and could never fix it by discussing that stuff with him, so I moved out of the home and went living wity my aunt (she was in another country) and while I was there my dad died

I'm just telling you what worked for me

Yeah I totally get that. I mean, now I see it didn’t have to get to the point it got to. But I feel like she could’ve simply taught me that day that next time, do things this way not that way. Instead of insulting me and speaking down on me.

And even after we found out that everything is cool at the house, she just kept going. It felt like she just wanted to speak badly about me like I don’t care about our home.

if you didn’t insult her or bring up unrelated things then that doesn’t sound that bad then tbh

a lot of parents never take responsibility for how they treat their kids and it’s s***ty

True. I mean also think about it logically though. Imagine entrusting security of your house and possessions with some 20 year old. Not the worst reason to get mad as f***

I didn’t bring up anything unrelated until way later when I mentioned something that she did to me that the rest of the family didn’t know about. And that’s when it got really crazy and my uncle came through and spoke to me.

But I sincerely apologized at the end of the night to everyone for my behavior because I definitely didn’t want it to end that way, I’ve never spoken to my mom like that before

even myself i know that in theory i could raise my kids really well but just for other reasons i’m not sure if i would want to bring kids into this world

it’s important af to be able to have to self reflection to decide not even if you WANT kids but if you SHOULD have kids and if you’re fit to be a parent

also people need therapy like everyone should see a therapist

the world would be a much better place

Definitely something I’m working towards. I think I’ve emotionally checked out, the biggest shock to me is my brother. But I’m definitely getting out of here this year

how old is Z btw

I get that. I really do...but it could’ve been a great time to practice good communication or teaching me something cos to me I’m like, I know her she’s really responsible plus her whole family was reminding her to switch it on all day. I know people I wouldn’t trust but her? I really trust her.

23

oh yeah she’s buggin lmao that ain’t no child

idk the character of this person but the average 23 year old should have the capacity to hold responsibility and not have to talk to their parent first like they’re 10 years old

you didn’t do anything wrong ur mom is wylin

you should move out tbh if you can

if this is a constant toxic environment then yeah

you could get a roommate or two (that you know you could live well with) and find a cheap place to live

unless there’s really something serious keeping you there then you don’t really need to be there just gotta save your money and go

i moved out at 19 not because of any toxic household s*** but its definitely possible

i will say that if it’s not necessary to move out then dont and stay at home rent free but if it’s bad then leave

also not finna act like i did it all on my own which i totally did not but having that money saved to be able to do it is the biggest factor if you need to

tbh first may be the emotional factor even before the monetary factor

There are obviously two sides to every story but in this instance it sounds like your mom was looking for any excuse to pop off at you. She asked you to bring the keys next door and you brought it to a full grown adult, and kept in communication with them. Now if Z is a known d***gy or sketchy character then your mom has a point about that being a bad move, but otherwise they're just another adult.

Is your mom drunk a lot? It's tough to deal with the emotional maturity of a drunk person, or in any instance where you feel like you are more level-headed and mature than your parent aka the person who is supposed to be your Guiding Light of Maturity. I used to have really explosive fights with my mom. There were a lot of times where we didn't get along. But she was depressed and I was on d**** and there was no dad in the picture so it was kinda inherently messy on both ends.

Anyway, I went to college and moved out and I'm finding it much easier to get along with my mom from a distance, when we don't have to constantly go through the trials and tribulations of living with each other. So I would hold out some hope of having a better relationship with your mom, but I think it might be time for you to move out, no? What's your career / financial situation like? You're in your 20s so you should be on your way if not extremely close to getting out of there.

I don’t think so. If your mom is really at your throat for an hour, belittling you in front of the entire family then yeah, at some point you have to speak up. It’s your mom but still.

You went too far telling her to hit you. You should have walked out and left or cooled down instead of saying that.

Your brother is very wrong and suspicious for not backing you up in your lowest moment when the whole family is telling you to be quiet and let your drunk mother rag on you like that. Your family is wrong for letting it go on for that long.

If you’ve always felt a disconnect, this could be the culmination of that and a sign that maybe it’s time for you to estrange yourself. Maybe you’ll be happier without the expectation of putting on a facade for family events. It’s sad, but sometimes it’s like that. But you have to be the judge of that.

And your relationship with your mother sounds mutually detrimental. Maybe move out as soon as you can.

It is a toxic environment. I don’t feel happy or comfortable in the same house as them and my mom and I sometimes can even go weeks without talking to each other other than “good morning” “goodnight”. Leaving is 100% in my plans and ima just distance myself a bit from everyone for a bit and try build healthier relationships with friends. Thank you for taking the time to talk about this, I feel a lot better already.

She’s really responsible and my mom knows this because we’ve become really close to their family and even spent some time together.

My mom does get drunk but it’s not an everyday thing, more like every weekend and when she drinks she drinks a lot. She’s also got depression and my dad passed away a few years ago...I’ve always been closer to my dad than my mom and his not being around is definitely felt

I just finished with varsity last year and currently looking for a job but also keeping busy learning more skills to better my chances of supporting myself

Thank you, and true. It’s definitely mutually detrimental. I don’t know how to speak with her about anything ever...I think the only way to fix it would be to go to therapy together, including with my brother cos I’d also like to understand why he moved that way in that situation. I know for sure I was wrong and that’s why I don’t wanna be in this space where I end up behaving like this. Moving is number one priority to me.

Y'all need family therapy, tbh. This seems deeper than this one incident. I'd attempt to repair the relationship first..regardless if your mother's toxic parenting techniques result in your negative behaviors. If that doesn't work, then she just isn't ready to change or is open to developing a new relationship dynamic and you should look for ways to eventually move out and develop some healthy coping skills in the meantime.

Don't let that alcohol go unchecked bro.

If it's not you talking to her about it then make sure she has a support system that she'll hear out eventually (don't expect immediate results).

My uncle relied a bit too much on the drinking after his wife/my aunt died and it really strained his relationship with his kids.

ofc youre going to make it out and be happy i promise you that