The usage of 'well-endowed' and 'girthy' in OP's post

fell asleep standing up one new years

got drunk and peed in my grandpas bedroom while he was sleeping once awful time

bruh
i dont want to talk about it

this

no one ever said I had the best day ever blacking out and stumbling over underwear and empty bottles

Are you embarrassed

Friends brought over 4 bottles of whatever the f*** they could find and made me drink all of it midnight on my 18th. I started dissing someone we don't know too well and I went off on fb in all caps

4 loko n a redbull

I honestly wouldn’t remember

the last sentence in op

Too many times

Where’s the bender thread

My dad and I downed a bottle of tequila at my aunts house. Two story house I don’t remember how I made it up the stairs to go to sleep. Next morning I was still hella drunk everything was blurry as f***

Your dad sounds cool as f***

N/a

grappa (basically italian moonshine) no more needs to be said

Nine shots of whiskey

Nine

That’s a lot if someone isn’t a regular drinker tbh

Oh I know. I was saying you’re crazy for even taking nine mate

Had like 15 shots from my homie's mom's liquor cabinet within ~20 minutes on senior ditch day.. we then proceeded to go to his dad's house w a pool. I remember sitting at a table drunk af and seeing everyone's phones on the table, so I call everyone and leave voicemails rapping Graduation verses (that's what we were listening to, I'm dusty) then I remember laying on his bathroom floor, walking out and throwing up violently

i mixed whisky with other drinks one night, after that my friends sent me to ER and almost died from dehydration, this s*** f***ed up my stomach, had me throwing up every day for weeks smh
my body rejected alcohol for months after that lmao

Blacked out on shots of Ciroc. Got happy, depressed, suicidal thoughts then crashed. Woke up with a horrible hangover.

Is there some type of language barrier I’m struggling to understand in OP or wth