What happened

my family knows how s***ty she treats me but are impartial because they're broke bums and rely on her for money
but as soon as i respond to said treatment im the a****** and i shouldve just took the bullshit

Sometimes I feel like I can do and achieve anything, and really I do great things and have determination that's unmatched to other people. Then all the sudden it just absolutely crashes and nothing matters and I dont want to do anything anymore. Everything I put my mind to and worked for is nullified and life has no meaning.

As for loneliness, people just don't like me. Always been that way. Guess it's my fault. Not good with people. It just happens. I thought I was used to it at one point in time but I was just coping, i'm really not. I try my best to progress and be the best I can be but for some reason that's never enough

Tell me more ur mother?

yeah
granted she had a horrible childhood and its affecting her to the point where she has more respect for people who treat her like s***
ive seen her boyfriends f*** her over on numerous occasions but im supposed to mind my business but when i mind my business then shes mad that im allowing it then when i tell her something thats going on its back to mind my business

Asked me 3 years ago at 17 I'd be addicted to pills I would've laughed at you tbh. I was still suicidal back then but I never would of thought I'd go there. Oh well

I feel you on so many levels, the mood swings and not being able to connect and s***.
Do you have any friends or just someone to talk to, wyd(work, study)?

I have some friends online that I talk to but thats it. Right now I'm not doing anything due to covid, but I do plan on starting college soon.

shambles

And I know it sounds cheesy but don't put this on urself like that, try being more comprehensible. Cherish urself in this hard times, as hard as it is.

I mean it kinda is my fault, right? Like maybe I could have reached out earlier for help and maybe the medication would have worked. Or maybe I should have just went to school more and tried harder. I had potential but I wasted it and it really is my fault. Tons of other goals I tried to work on that I failed at cause I didn't put the work in when I felt depressed also. I can't even manage my emotions without d**** anymore.

Just wish I had guidance. I was thrown into the world at a very early age

How was upbringing, the figures how you relate with them?

Don't wanna get into all that too personal, but it just wasn't good

I'm ok with most things in my life besides job hunting, I forget how much of a unnecessary complex crapshoot this is. I don't bother spending more than 45 minutes applying then go for a run or work out at the gym for a few hours to relieve myself of frustration.

Happiest I've ever been

Makes sense, my upbringing in one sentence is basically "all my heroes are cornballs".

You'll be good in college just be yourself and stay fresh. Once you make real friends that like you for what you are, value them and build something with them.

I dont really trust people enough to make friends like that

You should, most people are trash but those who aren't worth the effort. I don't want you to die alone.

Idk people are hard

Thanks for the talk

I’ve been totaled this year . My Mum passed away from cancer in January and the corona hit, things went south with my ex and this George Floyd s*** hittin everything feels so helpless and I’ve been depending on d**** which has never happened before

I don’t want pity I’ve just been overwhelmed today n this thread popped up as a nice outlet

I be disconnecting too, after a while I catch myself doing it like f*** am I really in this hole right now I feel like I’m fighting to be a person on the daily and that s*** is overwhelming

It’s nice to relate to someone with similar things thanks for opening up

Hazy Anxiety

So incredibly stressed out from life, work, and emotional trauma that I have to ingest an absurd amount of substances every single day just to keep the anxiety at bay during my waking hours. Of course I’m not as productive as could be when I’m intoxicated, which creates more anxiety and results in more substances to mask those feelings. I’m always either f***ed up, painfully anxious, or both. Cross faded is my neutral.

Finally kicked my drinking problem so I'm pretty happy tbh

Lot of anxiety lately, not sure why. This has been bothering me too long, lowkey thinking about going to the psychiatrist and getting prescribed something.