probably right now. lost my only decent job after covid happened and I just recently as of a few days ago decided to say f*** it I’m gonna tackle my dreams head-on full time.

This dream requires the use of my $1500 pc which I am pretty sure just completely fried after a power outage an hour ago. so yeah this is the worst feeling I can think of

2016 i was having heavy panic attacks every single day. I started going out for walks at night just because. I would have my headphones and Saint Pablo had just dropped.

“Yeah you looking at the church in the night sky, wondering whether God’s gonna say hi”

Lmao i was so depressed

But the feeling was nice at the same time it’s weird. I felt so alive.

what was the traumatic event ?

Gained weight, smoked weed and was broke as s***. Plus a lot more

Way to bounce back

3 years ago I was in a very nihilistic part of my life. Coke, lots of alcohol, failing classes. Didn’t tell friends or family or counselors, because I thought I could overcome anything and I also didn’t want to be a burden. Finally sought help.

Now have a good job, a nice apartment, 6 figures. Have been off antidepressants for over a year and I feel good no doubt.

BUT...I still feel kinda empty, or different. I think even when someone gets better following depression, they’re never really the same as before. Idk. I feel like the young and innocent Karl Pilkington is just gone. I kinda want to go back in time, not change anything, but just hug my younger self that it’ll be all ok. Things will get better and you’ll change, but it’ll be OK.

The fall after I graduated was dark for me. During school I got honors and did particularly well. Everything was going well until some health concerns interrupted my start of college during the summer. It hurt so bad seeing your friends go one and live their life while you regress socially and felt like a loser.

Those feeling couples with years of repressed depression regarding an ongoing medical issue f***ed me up hard. I’d hardly eat and stay up until 5 am everyday and wake up around 3 pm. The stretch from September to February of the following year were heartbreaking, everyday was the same and life wasn’t looking good at all. At my lowest I remember being okay with the fact that I’d be better of dead. I wasn’t suicidal but I was okay with dying via accident or terminal illness.

I cut off everyone and just became overly toxic towards myself. Worse of all no one really noticed how down I was ( Or perhaps I was just good at hiding it). The following Spring I starting practicing how to love myself and appreciate myself much more. I still have my moments and haven’t particularly gained friends but I’m a much better thinker and person nowadays. What sucks is I still get scared September-February because of what happened in the past. The winter of 2014-2015 was so cold and depressing man.

Having someone to to talk to would of been a lifesaver. I wish I wasn’t such a p**** back then and seeked help. But doing it alone made me have much tougher skin and made me immune to people’s bullshit ( and even my own).

Plenty opportunities to be at a low point but my life was determined by how I reacted

I love how most of peoples low points itt have to do with school, pain really is relative and a lot of yall are young. Unfortunately life gets a bit harder than failing classes and getting dumped

Stop f***ing around and get help

you think I haven't tried

im diagnosed bipolar and on antipsychotics atm

idk first quarter of last year. Idk rn I feel im at a low too

Tried is not a thing, this is a fight you will struggle with daily. I can relate trust me but this isn't the place to discuss that. Commit to a standard for yourself and strive for quality of life. Messing with d**** and alchohol can't be part of that. I hope you have friends and fam for support

only family I got supporting me is my mom and I got online friends supporting me which im very grateful for

starting college soon so it's not like im staying in one place rn. I'm trying to progress in life it's just idc about playing around with my life like that. that's just how I look at it rn

Wishing you the best with that. Progression is great just take time in the moment to breath and care for yourself. Go for the small victories don't overwhelm yourself, need anything I'd be glad to help

thanks. I'm trying to slow down with the benzos and i'm probably gonna drop the alcohol soon cause I only liked drinking when taking benzos anyway. I want to get better and think I can it's just been a really rough year for me. Worst year of my life honestly

Now**** PLEASE

I'm definitely done with the alcohol

same bruv

but it’s like a rite of passage
better to get your heart crushed while your young
so you know how to deal with chicks down the line

Last December, I got into a car accident that f***ed up my car bad. It was my fault which made matters worse for me, guilt wise. Damages were like $1000+ and I had no job or anything to pay it off. I used my car to get to school too and it was the end of the semester at the time and finals week was then. So I was stressed with my school work, how I was gonna get to school and how/when I was gonna get my car fixed I was so depressed then and it was the first time in years I cried legit tears i didn’t get my car fixed until like over a month later. I had to rotate between $40 uber rides and hour long train rides to get to school

Also I had an exam 2 days later for my most important class which I failed due to being a f***ing mess and which stopped me from having all As for the semester (which Ive never done, so I was excited to potentially do it and worked hard all semester for it).

All fax no printer, I’m a better person for it