I appreciate the realness bro

Like I said in this thread "10/10" isn't the way I actually perceive or talk about people I was just using it as an expression but totally agree with what you're saying

I'm not proud of being shallow which is why it's something I'm trying my best to grow out of

No I'm in fashion design I just cross paths with a lot of models for work reasons

pretty girls (and to an extent some attractive guys) are the ones with the most trouble staying committed

bc they typically learn at an early age how to maneuver with relationships & leverage their looks for opportunities

nothing wrong with having preference

but it comes at a cost that you gotta consider

if you get with someone you're not attracted to just because they'll stick around, you will probably feel like you settled and end up cheating or leaving them

Thanks brother, It’s tough but I’d rather have that lingering pain than completely forget her because it reminds me how deeply I can truly love someone if the situation is right

Sooner or later we’re going to find the perfect one, don’t feel bad for not settling or having standards you perceive as too high because when it’s the right one and you don’t have to force it that feeling will click again

This is what I've been learning and also what I'm afraid of

I don't want to settle like my friends have but I'm jealous at the fact that they were able to without being so shallow

Unfortunately I just have very high standards/preferences and feel like marriages with models never last just like celeb relationships and then conversely if I end up settling I'd never ever cheat but I don't think I'd be happy and would probably regret it

Thinly veiled brag thread, then calling your friends wives unattractive lmao. Sounds like you’re attracting personalities that probably match yours.

Beautiful perspective to have

I feel the same way because it was the first and only time I genuinely loved someone with all my heart in the purest form I could

Thank you for the wise words bro

Just recently I've been feeling guilty about having high standards but you're right I shouldn't' feel badly about it

We will both definitely find the right ones for us I truly believe that there is someone for everyone all we have to be is patient

Exactly king 👑

Not a brag thread at all and I am really trying to change for the better

I'm not calling them unattractive as an insult or to be mean I'm just highlighting the difference between having unrealistic standards vs. settling to be happy

for sure fam. People will act like you're being shallow or an a****** for wanting to be with a woman you are happy to be seen with, but physical attraction is key in keeping your relationship feeling like an actual Relationship. Obviously as people merge lives, have children, buy a home, etc, you become more so life partners rather than people who are just so infatuated with one another.
But if you go on a relationship advice forum, you'll see plenty of women saying the same thing "I don't think I can make this marriage work because I'm not attracted to my husband". And the advice always tells the woman to leave. You should realize that if you do settle for a 280 lb woman who is obsessed with you, and then gain weight over time, she could flip the script and walk out on you. so don't make those type of concessions unless you have a connection with a woman that you think is worth it.

ok dude you literally said "i could never be attracted to a seven" but whatever. you can't fix s*** if you stay jaded and in denial.

the phrase "my brain is so cooked it's only wired to be attracted to specifically fashion models" is pretty insane and a phrase that should probably be told to a therapist and not a mostly-male forum. not chic.

right now you have a s***ty mindset that is not how most people think, any woman with a grasp on feminist would b at least a lil grossed out by, and it is not a path to love.

you have to actively fight those impulses and go out of your way to connect to and relate to girls that you might not deem "perfect" if you really want to change and feel something new. just to see how it feels if nothing else. break the cycle. use all those hobbies as a branch perhaps.

ur a grown up ur in control of what you do and how you think. if you can't acknowledge the hard to confront parts of ur brain you can't grow.

you don't have to lower ur standards but you do need to deconstruct why the f*** they are how they are , whether you feel that is morally okay to you, and what to change if you don't.

There’s nothing wrong with refusing to date or go below what your “standard” is. You’d probably be way more unhappy if you settled like you said your friends did. It’s a total lie that physical attraction doesn’t matter in a relationship, it does.

It isn’t shallow of you to cut people off based on their personalities. Women that are super attractive know the game and know how to manipulate. It is what it is. There’s always a diamond in the rough though. Just takes time and patience. And, idk if you’re putting some of your self happiness in your relationship status, but getting away from that will make it a lot better too

Absolutely I always feel like a villain for having high standards but any time someone says "I don't care about looks at all only their personality matters" I always see it as a half-lie because looks always play a factor in deciding who we're physically attracted to and we can't change what gender/type/etc. we naturally find attractive

And exactly the double standard definitely exists and if I ended up being broke and out of shape then a girl has every right to leave me due to that

I know looks aren't everything but I genuinely can't help that it's the most important thing to me when looking for a partner and I'm just scared it's going to sabotage my future

Kind of in the same boat as you man. Physical attraction for sure matters but at the same time so does personality and intellect. I'm starting to realize that average looking woman may be what I'm looking for because like it's been mentioned itt, the people who are deemed as "10/10 attractive" are usually only that on the physical spectrum and the total opposite when it comes to their personality, values and intellect.

I hope we both find our versions of the 10/10 that we're looking for

I used that expression only because they used that expression as an example but it's not a reflecting on how I actually speak or think

And yea definitely a crazy statement but I always keep it real especially when it comes to myself and ironically when speaking about this to my therapist who is a feminist she sees it as commendable that I not only recognize a character flaw but also that I'm making a concerted effect to change for the better

Completely agree with everything you're saying and appreciate all of the constructive criticism

second paragraph

Can totally relate to you bro like for me an amazing personality and high intellect are super important too but unfortunately it's very difficult to find someone that checks all 3 boxes

I'm trying my best to re-wire my brain to not focus on physical appearance but focus on what's truly important like their values

Thanks so much bro!! Wishing you all the best too and I am confident we will find the perfect matches one day

LOL

I even had to change it because the original wording was getting people upset

i seen your fit pics and your ig @op
you can def pull a baddie w a good heart
you don’t gotta lower your standards for that

Aww thanks bro love you ❤️

Tbh I have the confidence to pull one it's just that after my ex it really traumatized me and made me question if "a baddie w a good heart" even exists out there

I feel like every cute girl out there has either baggage or an ulterior motive

honestly bro i wouldn't have changed it if its how you feel then its how you feel mane. i think you'll get someone good tbh just see how things go and don't overthink it

Not gonna lie OP I’ve seen your post through the years and you seem very vapid and toxic

I just didn't want to come across as being mean

Thank you for all the kind words I really appreciate it

I've just been going through a difficult time accepting that my high standards are preventing me from starting a family but I guess I just have to be patient and not overthink it

as ive gotten older my standards (at least looks wise) have gone way down. unfortunately it hasnt really made a difference